Crime is on the rise. The threat from terrorists is on the rise and Aston Villa are plummeting down the league table. Do you know who I blame? Farmers! Yes, that’s right, the world’s ills are down to farmers and there insistence on living in the middle of nowhere with only a bunch of rabid animals for company. In order to compensate for the doom and gloom that they feel they sell us contaminated meat in order to turn the whole world barking mad.
The thing is, I’m wrong but I’m not going to let that stop me. Everyone else seems to feel as though they have a divine right to make huge generalisations on subjects of which they have no knowledge so I don’t see why I should be exempt from this right. If C-list celebs, MP’s, royalty, enraged parents, and hypocritical do-gooders can blame the world’s wrongs on computer games then I’m sure as hell going to do my bit and shift the blame across onto farmers.
The futures bleak according to King to be Charlie who had this to say on the matter: “One of the great battles we face today is to persuade our children away from computer games towards what can only be described as worthwhile books.” Funny, I’d have thought a bigger battle would be stopping terrorism? Of course, I’m presuming that good old Charlie has actually played a number of computer games during his life but then I could be wrong and he could just be spouting nonsense. The other thing that baffles me with his statement is just what constitutes a ‘worthwhile book’. I’d hate to think that those dodgy romance novels women read are suitable for children, or perhaps he’s talking about Alex Garlands ‘The Beach’ with it’s wanton sex, violence and drugs throughout.
Mind you, The Daily Mail don’t help matters with articles such as the one after September 11th which suggested that Microsoft Flight Simulator might be to blame for the tragedy. The disappointingly sensationalist writing implied that anyone who had played the game was capable of flying an aircraft into a building. The plonkers. Don’t they realise the vast difference between guiding a mouse across a computer screen and guiding an aircraft through the sky with all it’s hundreds of instruments? Not only does it suggest that pilots aren’t very skilled at all (after all anyone can play a game), which they are, it also takes away all the proper reasons that the world should be focusing on such as religious fundamentalism and suggests that we should simply ban flight simulators.
Oh, but there’s more. How about the Labour MP (‘nuff said), Louise Ellman who said. “Day of Defeat, and games like it, are a matter of grave concern, part of a trend to make Nazism acceptable.” Yes, Louise, that’s right, you’ve solved it. All developers are really Nazi’s in disguise and are just looking for a way to bring their beliefs back into the public domain. The more likely option is that Louise simply wanted to see her name in the papers and decided this was the best way.
Surprisingly, the most meaningful statement came from Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams who believes that computer games are making kids into consumers. Fair point, but then what about Harry Potter, Popstars, cartoons and anything else aimed at children? The fact that computer games are marketed at adults for the most part surely lifts them above those mentioned above.
Come on then all you famous people out there. I’m setting you a challenge.
Let’s see who can come out with the most illogical, atronizing statement
on computer games and the state of society. It can’t be too hard. I’ll
even give you a helping hand. All you have to do is say something along the
lines of how all computer gamers are actually aliens set from a distant planet
to exterminate every living thing on the planet whilst homing their skills
by playing computer games. Oh, and if anyone disagrees with my article, I’ll
shoot them!
